Things Worth Protecting
February 11th, 2010
When I first conceived of this blog I thought of having recurrent post themes, one of them being “things I want to protect”. Not sure if that will materialize, but this is one of the posts that I imagined in that vein.
When I was a wee lad, I was crazy about a girl for years. Smart, beautiful, baggy clothes and always reading. That didn’t go anywhere, and in time I grew interested in other girls, though not as much. Those didn’t go anywhere either, and I decided to hold off on getting attached until something worked out. Being way too shy and nervous around girls back then, nothing worked out for a long time, and I got a little bitter. Eventually I did find my peace, realizing that I truly didn’t need romantic success – in general or with anyone in particular – to be happy and enjoy my life. Shortly thereafter I found myself in a relationship, which isn’t very surprising.
But I’d been going the hard-hearted route for a long time, and now that I had something good, it was hard to feel like I used to. The girl I was crazy about back in middle school was still a great person by my current standards, and while I didn’t feel that way anymore, I could remember what it was like. It was nice, just to have that feeling. I had this funny perception of my romantic self as some wrinkled old man. That can be taken several ways, so pick your favorite. Funny that at one point I actually had endeavored to lose the ability to feel like I used to; take this as a warning against rash (and sloppy) self-modification.
When I was studying abroad in Japan 2 years ago, I met a girl, another student from the US studying there. You know where it’s going so we’ll cut to the chase: with her it “clicked” again. Cute, funny, cheerful, awesome baggy style, and somehow when she smiled, she just shone. I wish I could better describe how cool she is, and the excitement I feel around her, but I’ll save my poetry for later and assume you know what I’m talking about, guy or girl, straight or gay. I asked her out, and though she declined it was still a great experience. It really had sunk in deep that I could be very happy “being alone”, so I don’t suffer in situations of unrequited love. We continued to hang out and remain friends, and though I can and have cared about others, I still feel quite powerfully about her.
I’m not here to talk about how powerful love is, or say that love endures, or love makes the world go around, or love is the reason for living, or any of that silliness. But damnit it’s nice, and I care about protecting that in our future.
Tags: Beauty, Good Stuff, Love, Things To Protect